First, I’d like to define the term “remix culture” as a society that allows and encourages its community of people to combine and edit existing materials to produce a new product. With that said, there are a lot of things we could consider to be “remixes,” even though we most often think of song covers or movie parodies.
So I decided to take a less conventional route here by finding a willing participant to help me answer the widely recognized “36 questions to fall in love.” Psychologist Arthur Aron’s development of the key 36 questions to make any two people fall in love has been floating around on the internet, and I decided to try the experiment on my own. Here’s how that went:
The first thing I did was ask my boyfriend to help me out. (*Note, this experiment works with any two people, be they in a committed relationship or complete strangers). But he and I have been together for a while, and we’re 100% comfortable with each other. I also had some really heavy doubts that this activity would make us suddenly love each other exponentially more and have us thinking about marriage (or something to that degree). So why not give it a shot?
This is a silly picture of me and my boyfriend Eli on one of our first dates, back when we were still getting to know each other. We took his little cousin with us to spend some time with her.
So this weekend, we came home from a friend’s kickback relaxed and in a great mood. We grabbed some comfort food and got cracking on these questions. The way it works is there are three sets of questions, each set getting progressively more intimate and personal. At the end of the last set, the two participants are instructed to look into each other’s eyes for four whole minutes (which is admittedly terrifying, no matter how comfortable you are with the other person).
We got through the first set pretty quickly, but we started getting a little distracted towards the end. It was 3:00AM by then, and we were getting fidgety because it was too late. We headed into the bedroom to lie down and rest, and started to go through the second sent of questions. These took a significantly longer amount of time to go through, and we definitely started getting a lot more personal.
I can confidently say that at any given moment in time, I know exactly what Eli wants to eat and what he wants to do. You know how people say that when you’ve been with someone for so long, you can finish all their sentences? Well that’s us. And it’s great! But we started learning things about each other that we probably never would have known without trying this experiment.
Unfortunately, we both fell asleep a minute and a half later, probably mid-sentence, too. In the days to follow, we had some major relationship problems that we’re still trying to figure out. It’s not going to be easy from here, but I’ll be sure to reflect on the entire experience if we ever get a chance to finish the third, most intimate set of questions. More importantly, I’m equally anxious and curious about the final step, as I don’t think I’ve ever stared into someone’s eyes for more than a few seconds.
Admittedly though, I can say that through the first half of the experiment, I already feel so much closer and connected to Eli. I’m confident that if we had finished the activity as we were supposed to, we definitely would have loved each other so much more than we already do, which is so absurd to think about. Who knew that a set of simple questions and an incredibly intimidating stare could bring two people so closely together?
If you want to try it for yourself, here’s the link to the article. There’s tons of research about it all over the internet if you’re curious, and there are tons of “remixes” out there, too! If you don’t take my word for it, just try it. It’s hauntingly effective.